I still don't know how to deal with her progressing deterioration. I think we're all waiting for the day she passes, for the relief, the anguish, the freedom. The next step in life. I've showed mostly hate for her these past few years and of course, I regret it. She has always been a prominent influence in my writing. I want to tell her that. I want to tell her about the pieces I wrote, the letters, the "how to"'s, I want to tell her about the fact that she made me into the person I am today. It hurt to see her like that. How do you prepare for a transition that you're not ready for?