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yea next semester i dont even think i am goin to see anthony in person , let alone ever come to my house bleh!, well i will hopefully for a very long time have on my facebook!, yea.. i had too much good food today. wow if my uncle was my father i would be 10 pounds heavier i already put on 5 pounds since hes here lol
I know, i know a girl can dream right?
well appareantly ur lifes ups and downs are preplanned like a large decision tree? well that is one of the theories that i have heard.. hmm..
lol yea!, when marckus was heere i was like oh i wonder yea if anthony was here playin mexican train with me lol instead of marckus lol
im tryin to get to 20,000 grains for 2day 4 my babies b4 i go night night
Really? Preplanned? By who?
ok babies have been effectively fed preplanned by yourself its some crazy shite i was listenin too but it is just a theory
there are different gateway points u set up for your death or something
and some people even choose to be homeless or like an addict or something from before for various reasons, its so strange but that was what was said
said something about soul groups too.
i sometimes listen to journey into the paranormal if i think the topic is interesting
i became overconfident again & now i fell down hard.Not feeling good.If i pass i would consider myself to be lucky.:/
i only like that guy because a lot of his predictions actually do come true, like, he is really freaky! but in a good way
pass what?
k well good night goin to sleep, long drive 2morrow, i hope the thin ythe y r renting has knee space!
that rice thing is a scam
Your music sounds better when you have the other headphone. I miss you. And you don't care.
I lost my thingy
I learn "i cant be everyone's core to keep built up my self-worth" today.Its seems i lost the chance to be second self of my tutor.All right then,I can be my self!fcuk off!!!!
The food fight is a big FUCK YOU to all homeless and starving people of the world.
I need to find it..
My dreams turn to be beatiful like never before , but the moment I see your eyes looking at me in them, I realize your smile will not be because of me or anything related to us and everything falls in front of me like the last dead leaves on winter. Why are you still in my dreams after this many years? Did I never forgot you? Then those questions disappear with the morning sunshine along with your pretty face, which I can't remember anymore aside of your big blue eyes.
This is good lemonade
shake it up.
on this exciting friday evening that turned into another two hour fight I find myself beside myself. hey self, how YOU doin?
lol
i was napping earlier, which is something I rarely can do. had one of those jerk you awake moments that scared the shit out of me. heard some strange guys voice in my head say one word I can't remember, went to the store and swear to GOD the guy in front of me was the voice. the universe is a really weird place.
jesus, it's already 11:13? fighting sure does make the time fly by. on a positive note her loud wailing and screaming doesn't phase me much anymore.
my part in this is not fair. i moved away to a place with no family support and all she has is me and her sister. her sister doesn't relate well with her, not a large bond there, and i have to work so much to make sure we keep surviving that I don't have to the time to even be there like she needs. what a fucking rat race impossible catch 22. oh well. our year is almost over, dad's turn. at least he has a plethora of family to help out.
you get to the end of it and it is literally like fuck all. i've done the best I can, i really have.
"I THINK YOU LIKE THIS, ME CRYING AND SCREAMING!" oh yes, it's great. i could be..well doing anything else and be happier. lol.
hey kids, before you have kids, think it through a little. it's not rainbows, unconditional love and "omg it will be a cute little us!"
its a pride swallowing, painful, being the bad guy, cleaning up vomit and shit soul sucking siege where considering yourself is no longer an option.
don't worry another flood will soon be by, here and now is all we'll be.
george, I told you a million times to stop pissing in the wind.
you ever wonder how the pictures on your walls just, end up crooked? i was just wondering how it is that happens.
we are just spinning on this planet. it's possible that eventually after time things just sorta, move.
take it to the limit.
i yelled in the car yesterday at a doctor that treated me like a drug addict when I went to get help for all these anxiety attacks. out of no where, ranting in the car at no one. talking to myself has never been an issue. why should it be. i'm real. so real and myself sometimes it looks crazy. people are so preoccupied with walking around being worried about the impression they make, what people think. why you all assume that people even think is beyond me. lol.
it doesn't change anything does it. what other people think of you, doesn't change your own life, your own circumstances. it has the depth of a slug chewing on your lettuce.
i was going to write a formal complaint for that, still have the paperwork. found a good doctor and i think i just decided it wasn't worth my time. i have limited time as it is. sometimes I have follow through issues, but at some point when something just seems pointless I don't see the point in giving any energy into it.
limited energy means limited resources. limited resources means sometimes you just have to say fuck that shit and give yourself a break, I did that today with work. I didn't have the flu, I didn't have a cold, i'm not contagious, i just woke up, didn't want to deal with it and said enough. sometimes you just have to do things like that. because it's good for you. when I wake up and realize i was typing suicidal ideas the night before, i think it's a good day to call in and not spend the day pretending to be happy trying to make everyone happy. suicide is not an option for me. naturally just being who I am and dying eventually works. i'm of two minds about this every day. accepting what I have become and wondering if I should change it. the biggest issue for me is just for once accepting who I am and what I have become instead of fighting with myself like some miracle thing is going to happen and I'll wake up and be different. i've spent my entire life taking care of others. the deep down truth is I know what I am, and i'm tired of caring if that is good e nough for everyone.
being a logical person and an emotional person at the same time is like, combining Spock and captain Kirk into one person. apart they are a great team because they create balance. put them both in the same body, and well? do the math.
unless you are un-nerdy and have no idea what I'm saying right now. lol
you were right blurry, i do this to make it real for myself. i vent this stuff to understand it and get to the bottom of it. it saves me. every time.
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