So in secret I continue. Tentatively. And the more I let myself, the more I want. And I research, find out if I'm alone, take different angles, paths leading to across each other. It appears not. Different interpretations, but no, its not 'just me'. However, no path has found me anything that would work as such.
A part of me that has never disappeared - and that's difficult to admit. I like to think it is something new.
Feeling small, she turned brushing her cheek, ready to open her eyes for just a glance.
Yes, there was someone there. Coming closer. There is was again, that temporary void that fluttered inside her. Eyes closed. Closer still, anticipation built. Hello, anyone there? As he lowered himself, hand softly on her back. Yes, I know. Never had she wanted so much. Never had she let anyone see this before. Ready? He whispered. Eyes up for a look and then away again.
He knew. He must. She'd said as much, but was this how it was going to be? Was the 'leave it with me' really going to meet the constant thoughts and feelings that ran away with her every day. The words she'd wrote and then avoided speaking about, would they play a part in this? Breathing, still, he waited.
Feeling her most vulnerable she looked towards him, looking, just in case she could prepare herself. For now she wondered why she'd done this, how she could retreat, retract, recoil. No, too far. The panic sped her breathing, shallow and indistinct she mustn't let him see. Not now, there was plenty of later for all that surely.
Hey, I brought something for you to try. Do yo want to? I think you'll like it. I'll hold it if you like. Yes?
No no no no no - He hasn't, has he? He can't mean? But he did, and there is was. She locked her eyes on it, simultaneous excitement and fear swept through her. How ridiculous she thought, he hesitated and now was the moment she had to push it away, say no and move on. It was a test. One she failed, decided of course long before the time ran out..
Where oh where did everyone go?
Singing without words A beautiful mind Crazy spirit
Knowing what we have been given
Knowing where we have been and where we are going
Humans are like porcelain dolls, fragile and easy to diminish. Still they go out into the world searching for truth to their underlying depth of knowledge. Their incoherent mind looking for logical reasoning making ideas, looking for answers of what lies above and around us Here we stand, as people dominating and conquering themselves fight for land or fight for revenge and hatred leaders come and go some make a mark others a slash some good and some bad though that is what makes us human we made rules about what is wrong and what it right but what is really wrong and what is right? What is really the meaning to be civilized? Is there a meaning to anything at all if given a deep thought? Our ideas mirroring others mimicking modern ideology never thinking of one's own Though we strive for peace there will always be war.